Update on life...

So I'm waiting for my clothes to dry, listening to music, and just basking in the glow of the feeling of having solidly passing Studio (no small feat), a clean and well decorated house (although still the Stowe house haha), and the best part... I KEPT MY SCHOLARSHIP... meaning I can stay at K-State.

Now to beast next semester. I know I can do it! But its still very scary, this semester almost kicked my rear end. I will have zero life during the week and will most likely have to spend the weekends catching up or staying caught up on Studio and other homework. Which is ok I guess, I love Designing... I just get tired of not having a life. I hear these are the best days of your life. So far they have been pretty good... but we'll see about the "best". I definitely like Sophomore year better than Freshman year!

Well, hopefully my clothes are dry now... I found out tonight that our drier is run by gas, I didn't know they made gas driers but I found it pretty cool :) Well I'm driving to KC tomorrow for my surprise from Cam, I'm trying not to think too much about it haha. I'm excited! Right now I'm exhausted and the thought of driving 4 hours in the morning makes me want to go to bed NOW. So goodnight all four of you :)

P.S. I don't really care how well written this is, so if you care, get over it :)

Sing Gloria

It is CHRISTMASTIME! Christ came to earth to DIE for you and me! What a JOY to have a sacrifice for our sin. I am just in such a good mood right now!

Break My Plans

I often surf youtube for songs while I'm doing homework, chatting on facebook, or just plain bored. Yesterday I was bemoaning the fact that over two years ago my parents sat us kids and asked us if we would be ok with moving... I said I would be ok with it. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! Ugh, I woke up mad at myself for agreeing to this horrible idea. I really was in a funk about it all day. But I stumbled onto this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g14QP6R1iAY and it really convicted me. I said yes to my parents because it was a great opportunity for my dad, it all came down to that, and God's plans are bigger than mine. I still don't know why he had our family move, and I still desperately miss my beautiful home in Grandview, my OWN bed and bedroom. I miss everything about home. I loved the sunshine that seemed to fill the house at all times of the day. I really wanna go home.... Oh boy here I go again.

Anyways, Lord break my plans. Turn my heart to your will for my life. And help me to feel at home wherever I am because I am in your arms. Honestly there is no place on this earth that should be my home. My home is in heaven. Oh now I'm REALLY home sick!

Love

On August 2, 2008 my Grandma passed away. All of her kids her husband of 60 (give or take) years, and most of her grandkids around her. It didn't sink in that she was really gone until the next summer when the whole family went down to Florida to remember her and spend time together. It was weird, I think she was the glue of our family. She had a great sense of humor, was the BEST cook, enjoyed card games (she was always telling me to breast my cards), and she loved her family and Grandpa with EVERYTHING in her. I was listening to random music last night and I stumbled onto the song Lollipop by the Chordettes, this was Grandmas favourite song to clog to, my Grandpa's favourite part was where she would shake her bottom :) I was told Grandpa that I missed Grandma and him, and she wrote back with "I miss her every moment of the day, Honey." This just breaks my heart! My Grandpa is not a believer, he is a part of the UU church in Florida. This church basically believes in science and almost mocks all religions. My Grandpa loves it. I can't imagine losing my boyfriend let alone a spouse, best friend, constant companion, and love of my life of 60 years all in a moment. Oh the pain he must be going through, he loved her SO much. He met her while working in a ice-cream shop, he saw her and fell in love right away, but she was dating another boy. I don't exactly know how all that went down but I know they got married with a short time of meeting. They were so in love. If only Grandpa could know how much MORE Jesus loves him.

New Post

I was convicted of my lack of quite time with my Jesus. Every time I am in His word I am refreshed, convicted, encouraged, and shown His love for me. Why do I not do this every day? I pray constantly but I don't think I listen enough. I discovered Thessolonians recently, I don't think I've ever really delved into those books... Well I'm going to now. If anyone wants to join me that would awesome... but really if you could keep me accountable to at least SOME time in His word every day I would appreciate it. Thanks!

Blogging is Hard

I never know what to write, so usually I resort to either not writing or writing a rambling of my thoughts. Which usually has to do with a very few list of things haha.

Today at lunch I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about Abortion and I made the comment that they will never make it illegal and that is ok with me. Let me explain.

I am pro-life, I think that killing a life, either born or not, your choice or not, is a life. A precious life in God's sight. And should NOT be killed because it will interfere with your life, thats what kids do :) It what makes them amazing, if it wasn't hard everyone (speaking to the guys here haha) would do it, its the hard that makes it great. However the term abortion, and abortion as the government sees it is a good medical procedure used to remove a fetus from the womb, now the original propose was for when babies had miscarried, and were being expelled naturally (gross and pain basically) this explosion could happen at any time, and if something went wrong it could get infected and in fact kill the woman. This procedure happens often, and is a good procedure that without it many women (including my mom) could've died from complications after miscarriage.

With that said let me remind you that I am very much pro-life, however I do not think abortion should be illegal no exceptions. I think SOMETHING should be done to stop women from getting an abortion just because they made a choice to have sex outside of marriage, and that choice resulted in a baby. I think abortion when used wrongly is murder, but I do not hold to the fact that abortion is murder no exceptions.

Random thought that came to me while typing, you never really hear about women wanting to get an abortion when they're married.

Sunday Letdown

Its sunday evening.... possibly my least favourite part of the week.

I stayed in Manhattan this weekend, I had a good, VERY relaxing possibly too relaxing of a weekend. I went to the homecoming parade, then went to Pizza Hut with some friends, then went to Where the Wild Things Are with my cousin and his roommate and roommates fiance. Good movie by the way, sad, and very deep for a kids movie, but it represented the book well, it was worth $7 :) Yesterday I watched KSU win, did laundry, then watched KU lose, then went out to BWW with my cousin, then went to studio, then watched MU lose, it was a good Saturday of nothing but football and sleep pretty much. Today I went to Grace, listened to a very encouraging sermon, then came home scrounged for lunch and sat down to watch the Chiefs, I didn't watch long though because we carved pumpkins this afternoon. I must say Stacy, Kyla and I did an awesome job on Smurfette :) For the rest of the day I've watched movies, and done homework. Now its 7:15 on Sunday night and I'm not happy about that haha.

But I really can't complain.. Monday's aren't bad days at all, actually this semester Monday is my second favourite day of the work week, following Friday of course!!

Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday :) Might won't be too bad... and lets ALL hope this week goes by quickly ;)

Emotions

I figured out what was wrong with me earlier this week... you don't wanna know haha... but it made me think. How do I control my emotions when what I'm feeling is real. Its just heightened my the rush of hormones in my system. I need to figure this out because I'm gonna have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I know I can control how I treat others but how do I keep from having a mental break down every month, what I felt was REAL, I was very sad, very stressed, and very not ok. But nothing was really THAT wrong. Not to merit how I reacted. And the good news, this whole hormone rollercoaster only gets worse...

Conclusion... being female STINKS. Can I be a guy now...

Fall?

Today has felt like a dream. I didn't sleep well at all, I actually woke up an hour before my alarm crying from stress of all I have to do this week. So I got up and just got ready for the day, headed to class, hardly able to breathe cause crying while walking to class is dumb. Made it through class, grabbed dashers on the way home did some work, then went back to bed. I slept for an hour and it felt AMAZING!! I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the week. Earlier this morning I read in James and the verse that says "All who are suffereing. Pray!" jumped out at me. So I thought well I'm not really SUFFERING in the sense that this book is talking about but I'm suffering in my own little world haha. So I prayed and it really helped, I felt a peace that I haven't felt in awhile. That even though I have a lot to do, and I feel like its over my head that I will sit down and plow through it and while difficult I will survive.

To make my life even more fantastic it is 70 degrees and sunny outside!!! :) Oh I love fall, I never really came to this conclusion until this year, because really I hate fall. haha. It is the beginning of school, its hard to get out of the summer routine, and all you have to look forward to is winter (UGH). But fall is just beautiful, even though it only lasts two weeks anymore. And I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, so Fall is now one of my favourite seasons.

Good thing its beautiful out cause I left my coat in KC. God does answer prayer :) even the small ones!

Everyone calls you amazing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p15MZXnsWpY&feature=related

I pinch myself
Sometimes to make sure I'm not in a dream
That's how it seems

I close my eyes and breathe in the sweetest moments I've ever known
It feels like home

And here I am
I want to be your everything
There you are
Turning winter into spring

And everyone that sees you
Always wants to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're a standing ovation
After years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
Yeahhhh
I just call you mine

I fall apart
And just a word from you
Somehow seems to fix
Whatever's wrong
Ohh
You reach into the weakest moments and remind me that I'm strong
You gotta know
I'd be a fool not to see or even worse to forget
That you're more than I deserve

Cause everyone that sees you
Always wants to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're a standing ovation
After years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine

Nothing makes sense when you're not here
As if my whole world disappears
Without you what's the point of it

Cause everyone that sees you
Always wants to know you
And everyone that knows you
Always has a smile
You're the dream that I've been chasing
After years of waiting
For a chance to finally shine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine
Everyone calls you amazing
I just call you mine

This DEFINES my best friend/

Growing up

Sometimes I envy kids, they have no cares... Fashion? who cares. Hygiene? when mom makes me. School? fun slightly time consuming acvtivity. Siblings? the best friends who are always there. Discipline? sitting on daddys lap talking about the coloring on the wall, maybe getting a spanking, then a hug. Morning? running into mom and dads bed and laying between them talking while daddy gets ready to go to work. Why couldn't I have appreciated it more!? I loved my childhood, I have the greatest parents, and my sister was my constant buddy. My little brothers were awesome. I would love to be 7 again for a day.

I never envy jr. high kids. That period of life is meant to get through, just an awkward time!

Highschool? it was so/so. I'm loved it during the time, it just kept getting better. But looking back, I don't think I would do it over. Except maybe hang out with the younger people sooner.

College? Is awesome, and horrible all at the same time. I love watching families grow. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his family and its just fun when siblings grow up and interact. I have also noticed this with my family although my family is "young" none of the kids are married yet, and being far away Cam doesn't hang out with us very often. But as we all grow up we just have fun, everyone of us has a different sense of humor. We laugh. A lot. Every stage of life is good.. maybe not fun but its good. Although I would still take a day as a kid again.

And the one thing that is always true.

The future is as bright as the promises of God.

God of Thunder

Wake up Raina, there's a storm across the valley.
I live my life in Colorado its like none I've ever seen.
And every time a bolt of lightening strikes you can see across the field.
And the meadow lights up like a dream and the thunder rolls around the peaks from Denver to Pagosa springs.
And here we are so breathe it in open your eyes for God of thunder is writing on the skys.
Feel the power and taste the rain for all of nature echos your refrain to the God of thunder.

This is the beginning to a song by Danny Oertli. He had a very hard life, his first wife died suddenly after having their first son. And Raina came into his life after his first wife died.

This song just gives me goose bumps. Thunder storms are a beautiful testiment to God's power. Why do I still so often rely on my own power? He controls the sun and the moon. I can barely control my car, haha.

Lord, fight for me and I'll be still.

Put yo hood up

So I woke up this morning around 6:30 because the rain hitting our a/c is really loud, but I quickly fell back asleep... rain is amazing for that! Well when I woke up later to go to class the sound of gone so I kinda assumed the rain was gone so I throw some athletic pants on and a jacket (thankfully one with a hood) and headed out the door, well when I got outside I realized I was wrong, it was still raining, and while it wasn't POURING it was substantial. Well I have yet to invest in an umbrella and I don't have a rain jacket so I just put my hood up (enter soundtrack lol) and accepted the fact that I was going to get soaked and then have to sit in an a/c room for an hour and a half. To make things worse Manhattan, being the 25 ft above Tuttle as it is, has TERRIBLE drainage systems and so I practically swam to class.

On the up side I only had that one class today so now I have taken a shower changed in to comfy sweats and a tshirt and now I have the whole day to stay inside and study :) For being a rainy monday its not to bad... Hmmm, starbucks sounds good! It is time for their fall products to come out again... too bad I'm a poor college student :(

Football Therapy

I love football. I love the sound of big hits, the adrenaline rush of a huge throw and catch for a touchdown, the exhilaration of watching a awe-some play, the joy of cheering, and just everything about it. Its not calming but is just so much fun its therapeutic. I love it! Although only CPA won this weekend, I have watched four games so far and loved every single one. Plus the nice thing about football is you can do home work at the same time.

Thats all, I just wish football season was year round.

Only downside, watching football makes me hungry, think about it how often do you watch football and not snack on something?

Soft vs. Hard Tacos

I was getting tacos at the Derb for lunch today and I remembered the first time I went through a lunch line at Dominion. My parents had given me money for lunch and told me specifically to get soft tacos (I remembered them saying something about them being healthier) however either from the chaos of the line or my excitement/nervousness when it came time to choose I couldn't for the life of me remember which one I was suppose to get. So I hurriedly pointed to the one that looked the most like a taco to me, then went and sat down to get my nerves back in order. It was at this point that I realized I had gotten the wrong one. I was horrified, I had disobeyed such a simple rule, this was bad news!! I don't remember enjoying that taco... When I got in the car to go home I remember having to tell what I had done. But I don't remember if I got in trouble or not (I'm guessing they just laughed at how horrified I was lol) but that memory has stuck with me.

Gus

I made a new friend today, his name is Gus and he was a cute little guy. Had long legs, long torso, pretty strong, fan of the natural style, and clean shaven. He wasn't very talkative but he tagged along with me when I went to run errands today, he was just keeping me company. But then he started to get restless and I think he was getting a little carsick. This is when he throw himself from my moving car, it was very sad. RIP Gus, thanks for your short friendship. Gus was a grasshopper :)

I apologize

Dear Government,

Your Mail Man came and picked up my letter... which hopefully is somewhere on I-70 right now. I'm sorry for calling you a failure.

Audrianna

Another day another dollar

So yesterday I was walking to class and I found a dollar on the road... which is pretty much the equivalent to 20oz of pure class attentative, aka Code Red. Needless to say this made me pretty happy.

So I figured out that the lyrics stuck in my head came from the song Take Me With You... which I had listened alot of the night before. That makes alot more sense than just a random song stuck in my head :)

I'm very irritated with the mail system right now, I've had a letter sitting in the box waiting to go out since Friday... I'm coming to the conclusion that our mail person is on strike. I think I'm going to go take my letter to the post office. I should've done this awhile ago I guess but I just figured it would go out today... Guess not. Major fail government lol

For christmas I want sub woofers.. there is something about feeling the music that just can't be described.

Dark Blue

I woke up with the lyrics, my favourite colors blue I like to sing in the shower if you like I'd sing to you, stuck in my head which is weird because I haven't listened to that song in so long I can't even remember what the song is called lol. But I kinda combined it with Dark Blue in my head... Its weird how that happens...

I have been alone in a crowded room, many times... And I have been completely happy with only one person in the room, many times!!

Also it is true that you can forget everything just by being in someones arms... And you don't need music to dance.

Ok well I really need to get stuff done now... so peace out ya'll

Remembering...

Its 9/11. Wow years just fly by. Its been 8 years since I was out running with my dad (good memories, we would run on average 6 miles a day) When I saw a plane turn around I had never seen that before so I asked my dad and he said I don't know thats weird. Well when we got home we heard from my mom that planes had hit the twin towers, but we didn't know anything else. We didn't have a tv so everything we learned was from CNN.com. I really don't remember much else from that day, for some reason I always thought I was 10 on 9/11. Well that is a lie I was 12. haha.

RIP all involved. We still remember! And we are in the procress of attacking a country for no apparent reason. But thats another post for another day..

Homework avoidance :)

So I was listening to a song in the car while delivery today and I thought about something that happened to me recently...

I was at Six Flags with my family and we were waiting in line to buy tickets, it was about 3 in the afternoon and there were 3 lines open with about 15 people in each line, when the line to the right of us closed it made some (especially those in the front) very upset which is understandable it was hot, we were standing in the sun, most had youngish kids, and we had been waiting in line for about 20 or 30 minutes. So when this all happened one of the ladies up front said a nasty word to the lady closing her line, then went in stood in the back of our line like everyone else. About 5 minutes later the line to the left of us closed as well... STUPID IDEA SIX FLAGS!!!! Thankfully we were in the CORRECT non-closing line :) About 5 more minutes passed and I saw a short (he was shorter than me) extremely muscular (compensating maybe?) security guard walk up to a black middle-aged man with kids and confront him, needless to say I and the before mentioned lady, her husband and kids all turned and looked at this security guard like "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" well he got that egotistical look in his eye and said sir calm down I just want to ask you to step out of line and talk to me... Well needless to say this man (who had been standing in line for at least 30 minutes said no but I'll talk to you here... The security guard then said the check out lady reported someone saying a swear word in her line, and she pointed you out. The lady who was guilty spoke up right away, explained herself (needless to say cussing ALOT) to which the security guard said, without turning his back to the black guy, ok well ma'm we have alot of young kids around and we don't tolerate profanity so you need to calm down and refrain from cussing. Then he walked away...

This was eye opening, I had never really witnessed such blatant racial profiling before. And more than that everything in the guards actions screamed with prejudice. It made me furious, but also hopeful that the lady to blame spoke up, I don't even want to know what would have happened if she hadn't.

I pray that no matter what happens I will always be known for my love for all peoples, gender, race, domination, and culture.

"For this is how you shall know my disciples, by their love for one another" -Paraphrased from Jesus

Time...

Time just keeps ticking away...

I was looking at old pictures and it just hit me how much I miss my room! So many memories in that room, laying in bed and listening (usually falling asleep) to Daddy reading, waking up on Saturday mornings to the smell of Big Yellow's, the noise of younger siblings listening to Childrens Hour, or to Daddy BLASTING Brooklin Tabernacle Choir, or just to mom and dad talking in their room... or more often Daddy yelling for me too get up ;) I miss it! I haven't slept in MY bed for so long... And it will probably be when I get married that I finally get the joy of my own (or not my OWN but whatever) bed. My room was kinda boring, not every well decorated but it was mine I choose the paint color (blueish purple) I helped paint, and I changed the funiture arrangement monthly... I miss it! And I cant ever get it back...

Doesn't help that some BOY has slept in it since we moved

I like our new house, I've accepted it and I'm ok with it... but sometimes it hits me. And tears just stream down my face...

New track

Ok, so I stopped putting my diaries on here because basically I became obsessed with boys, and "fell in love" with about 3 none of whom I ever actually talked too lol. Ok so one of them I was good friends with but that definately never went anywhere and I am very thankful for that. So I guess I'm done with the diary idea...

Whats next? I don't know... but school is kicking my butt.

I wonder can you get sick just from stress? Cause I think you can cause I am. :/

I learned today that the phrase "rule of thumb" possibly came from Britain as an old rule which said that no man could beat his wife with a stick larger than his thumb. It makes me sad that they even had to make this rule and that this rule imply's that women were often beat by their husbands. I guess this makes me contemporary and new fangled but I don't think women should ever be beaten by their husbands (or vice versa) call me picky but I'm not going to marry someone who thinks they can beat... they can TRY to beat me at chess or checkers or darts though ;)

November 12, 2001

Dear Diary if I could ever pick a nickname it would be Dri or Dria, really cool huh. Today I fixed my radio all on my own. Oh Ah, bye.

July 27, 2001

Yesterday me and daddy went to Jarastic Park 3 it was really fantastic well I have to go

July 3, 2001

Today I ran a little more than a mile then walked maybe 1/2 afterwards. Tonight we are going to sleep in a tent outside?

July 2, 2001

This morning I ran a mile in less than 10 min I'm all sweaty and hot and tired but it was really fun. Yesterday I wrote a letter to Tim asking to be penpals with me I hope he says yes that would be totally cool. Talk later

July 1, 2001

Today we went to church and studied Peter and when he denied Jesus 3 times. We also continued puppet tryouts and I go the part of shirly, the part I really wanted. Yesterday Lauren said that Tim was drop dead gorgeous. It was really funny. Goodnight.

Later.

Guess what I got to shave my legs today, now they feel so smooth. Well I better go now, write more in the morning.

June 30, 2001

Today is my first day to be 12 and I am so excited Well I gotta go bye

Easter April 15, 2001

Woke up to an overcast sunday we will probably go to church then go to medowmere or longview and bike and rollerblade. Then we might watch a movie but I don't know for sure. More later

Later.

Yes we did go to church we also when't ((I obviously failed at spelling lol)) rollerblading at medowmere, why does saten put things in are head when we really don't want them. Well goodnight. more later.

April 14 2001

Today was a warm day, about 77. We did yard work all morning. Then ate an early dinner, and came home and spent more time outside biking and rollerblading until it started to storm. So we came inside and watched "Prince of egypt"! Daddy is talking more later.

April 18, 2000

Today, Tuesday, I woke up excited because this is the last day of school for two weeks. It is a warm very warm day. I am walking around in shorts t-shirt and bare feet. Talk later.

November 12, 2000 - Sunday

Today we're going to Red Bridge and daddy is going to the Richardsons church. I'm already dressed for church (except for my hair) so is Hannah. Thats all for now I'll write later.

Later.

Daddy is leaving in about an hour (I wish he never had too) Me and hannah are playing runaway horses. I know its kinda silly but....