WHAT!?!?

Two blogs in one week, what is going on here... haha. Well, this week has been overwhelming for so many reasons that I really don't want to go into but updating and listening to "lose yourself" is my substitute for going outside and running as fast and hard and long as I can... cause I'm afraid I'll start crying if I do that... but I really need some adrenaline run off. If any guys are reading this... be thankful you DON'T have a constant rollercoaster called hormones cause they can literally drive you crazy.

Really, this has been a pretty good week, I mean its amazing outside. School hasn't been crazy busy. And Initiation is this weekend (a secret festival of funness) But I have just felt like bawling all day... I actually almost did while venting to my Momma (my Mom is the greatest!) Don't freak out on me, I'm fine really I am... just needed to vent so thanks for reading :)

Wakeful Wildcat

Gotta love not being able to sleep, I have read for about two hours now and still wide awake! I listened to my voicemail, skipping them all just to listen to the last one multiple times... I don't think you could even IMAGINE how that message makes me smile.

Anyways, I don't really have anything on my mind except I really want to sleep and can't, please forgive the rambleness that this post will be but Hannah has asked I update and I don't really have anything better to do at the moment so here ya go :) So whats been going on lately? School... Spring Break... Easter... Homework... Sweet Sixteen... (watching KU lose early)... Cam's Birthday... Permission...

School: SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU, and I kinda like it. Its a strange twist of fate, maybe its like tattoos? They hurt but the pain is addicting haha.

Spring Break: Was a wonderful time of hanging out with my family and Cameron. It just wasn't long enough.

Easter: I spent this with Cameron's family in Ballardish, for those who have been there you understand... its not really in Ballard because the town is too small for anyone to really live in but anyways I digress. Easter was a good day to celebrate the miracle of our loving Lord. Oh how deep the Fathers love for us!

Homework: Is a constant part of my life, but I ALMOST enjoy it. It is my purpose for the day, if it wasn't for that consistency I would waste so much time... I already do waste a lot of time, I can't imagine what I would do with my time without school.

Sweet Sixteen: WAS AMAZING!!!!!! The pride of FINALLY demanding the respect of the midwest was really nice... being the little kid that gets picked on gets really old... which goes into my next point.

Watching KU lose early: was a bittersweet feeling, Cam was devastated which broke my heart. But for all the OTHER KU fans it certainly made how far K-State got THAT MUCH BETTER. As far as Cam is concerned though I am a KU fan whenever K-State is not in the mix... but don't quote me on that, I'll deny it.... PERSISTENTLY!

Cam's Birthday: Started off rough since his team lost :/ but he was able to deal with that quickly and we had a good time celebrating with his extended family. I really wish my family lived as close as his does. I could count on 1 hand how many cousin birthday parties I've had. Best part, we're legal now haha. Happy Birthday again Babe!

Permission: is a GRAND thing :)

Well.... that was fun but I'm still tired and still wide awake at the same time... good thing I don't have class until 11:30 I guess.

1) Usher is the bomb... he is possibly my favourite hip-hop artist right now... why? cause he has variety in his music, and he CAN dance... like nobody's buisness.

2) Facebook is a stupid waste of time... that I love cause it makes keeping in touch with people easy!

3) College sports are the best thing EVER! I would rather watch college anything over pro... why? cause they guys are working hard to get where they are at, they aren't making millions to play a game and entertain me, they are my age living a life pretty similar to mine... or at least living in the same town haha. Pro-ball is cool... but lame. NCAA is where its at!

4) Wanna hear a secret? Guy will react a lot more strongly (haha horrible grammar) to a car like a Lamborghini or Camaro or any other hot sports car you can think of... than a girl. Maybe this is just they self-control but I have watched boys completely melt, sigh, jaw drop, suck all the air out of the room, and giggle like a school girl at the sight of a Lamborghini Gallardo... boys and their toys huh?

Well I am gonna end this and maybe try to sleep soon... I hope this was entertaining :)

College is teaching me alot that has nothing to do with school

I've been learning alot this semester, I've learned that I LOVE to be busy.
I haven't had a day where I went to bed feeling like I wasted the day since I began school, even during the summer I just feel like I DESERVE the break. It actually kinda worries me, I don't want to become a workaholic.

I've learned that I'm androgynous, meaning I have both instrumental (masculine, task oriented, action) and expressive (feminine, emotional) gender schemas, which explains why I don't find guys TOO difficult to understand. I find guys easy to talk to, and as long as I'm not being a girl and reading into EVERYTHING I'm fine :) But I'm also very much a girl, and can be VERY emotional.

Stress? I can kick its BUTT, by kicking MY butt! Hard work, focus, sleep, exercise, and prayer lots and lots of prayer and by the grace of God I can survive. :)

I've learned how much I love my boyfriend! :)

Most importantly I've learned that I am a child of God, truly, not just because my parents are but because I've accepted His free gift I am redeemed. I go to Him on my own, its not something that I do because my parents told me too, or because it is the "thing" to do at home. But it is really MY relationship with Him. I've grown more than I could have ever imagined by not depending on my parents for anything on a day to day basis.

Bucket List

Everyone should have a bucket list, I guess that term comes from a list of things you want to do before you "kick the bucket" how optimistic huh? Well my bucket list is mostly a list of places and buildings I want to visit! So here it goes.

1. Hollywood FL, where I was born, never been back. And I wanna go! :)
   
2. The Crystal Cathedral, its a church with every wall and ceiling made out of glass.
3. Graumans Egyptian in Atlanta, and Graumans Chinese in LA (?) two theatres that were built a really long time ago that I think would be very cool to go see a movie in!!
4. The Grand Canyon
5. Yellowstone
6. Niagara Falls
7. The Eiffel Tower
   
8. I would like to attend a catholic service at the St. Louis Cathedral, just because I never have and I'm curious as to what exactly happens, I also just want to see the pretty building.
   
9. I want to take a really long back packing or road trip across both Europe and the US.
10. Attend the olympics.
11. Live in a big city for at least a year, either Chicago, Boston, or New York.
12. Go skinny dipping :) hopefully before I'm 80, cause thats digusting!
13. Fly a plane.
14. Ride in a hot air ballon
15. Go on the rip cord.... maybe... maybe not.
16. Drive a Lamborghini
    
17. OWN a Lamborghini :)
18. Design an important building, get my name in a history book.
19. Visit the Holy Lands
20. Are you taking notes, sir? Cause you better join me!
    
21. Get married :D

And there you go. A list of 21 things that I hope to do someday. Most probably won't happen but its fun to imagine myself doing them :)

Birds are singing!

• I first noticed it yesterday, as I was walking to class. It is still pretty cold, and the Kansas wind doesn't help anything but the sun is shining and the birds are singing! These two things combined with the fact that Spring break is only two weeks away makes everything thing okay!
• I need my hair to grow out, its in the awkward stage and I hate it!
• My brother turns 14 tomorrow.... And he's probably taller than me now too.
• I really miss texting Cam.
• This is turning into a random thoughts blog :)
• I really didn't mean for it too.
• I have been consistently working out for two months now, it feels great!
• KSU freshman football players are immature.
• I am most productive on the days I have too much to do.
• I really really really want to go home.
• I wish I were more organized. I function better when I'm organized.
• I am more excited about having my own home than having my own career.

Productivity

I had a big week, three tests, a project to work on in Studio, a history project to work out, work, exercising, and just life in general. I was pretty stressed, but I didn't realize this until Thursday after my test when I felt intense RELIEF! I had made it!! And now I'm feeling incredibly productive, it is a good feeling! I cleaned my room, my computer, my e-mail, my body :), I'm getting ready to go to studio then I'll go to sleep, wake up in the morning work on some papers and than Cam gets here!!!! :) Its gonna be a good weekend.

Heros

Two days ago if you would've asked who my hero is I would've said Jesus, and my dad. They are the only two men in my life who had actively and extensively put their well-being on the line to keep me safe. That all has changed.

Well... not really, Jesus is still number one and I can't say that my dad has moved to number 3, he's more like number 2.b. now :) but there is a new man on the list. I've loved him for almost 2 years, I have trusted him completely, been best friends with him, laughed and cried with him, and dated him. But Yesterday my WHOLE life, and my entire well being was in his hands, and he kept me safe. Nothing in our relationship has changed except that he actively protected me, I have no idea how many things he has protected me from simply by being by his side, I was so trusting of people... too trusting? I don't know if there is such a thing. But I was so naive about the sin of this race called human. Its disgusting really.