Break My Plans

I often surf youtube for songs while I'm doing homework, chatting on facebook, or just plain bored. Yesterday I was bemoaning the fact that over two years ago my parents sat us kids and asked us if we would be ok with moving... I said I would be ok with it. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! Ugh, I woke up mad at myself for agreeing to this horrible idea. I really was in a funk about it all day. But I stumbled onto this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g14QP6R1iAY and it really convicted me. I said yes to my parents because it was a great opportunity for my dad, it all came down to that, and God's plans are bigger than mine. I still don't know why he had our family move, and I still desperately miss my beautiful home in Grandview, my OWN bed and bedroom. I miss everything about home. I loved the sunshine that seemed to fill the house at all times of the day. I really wanna go home.... Oh boy here I go again.

Anyways, Lord break my plans. Turn my heart to your will for my life. And help me to feel at home wherever I am because I am in your arms. Honestly there is no place on this earth that should be my home. My home is in heaven. Oh now I'm REALLY home sick!

Love

On August 2, 2008 my Grandma passed away. All of her kids her husband of 60 (give or take) years, and most of her grandkids around her. It didn't sink in that she was really gone until the next summer when the whole family went down to Florida to remember her and spend time together. It was weird, I think she was the glue of our family. She had a great sense of humor, was the BEST cook, enjoyed card games (she was always telling me to breast my cards), and she loved her family and Grandpa with EVERYTHING in her. I was listening to random music last night and I stumbled onto the song Lollipop by the Chordettes, this was Grandmas favourite song to clog to, my Grandpa's favourite part was where she would shake her bottom :) I was told Grandpa that I missed Grandma and him, and she wrote back with "I miss her every moment of the day, Honey." This just breaks my heart! My Grandpa is not a believer, he is a part of the UU church in Florida. This church basically believes in science and almost mocks all religions. My Grandpa loves it. I can't imagine losing my boyfriend let alone a spouse, best friend, constant companion, and love of my life of 60 years all in a moment. Oh the pain he must be going through, he loved her SO much. He met her while working in a ice-cream shop, he saw her and fell in love right away, but she was dating another boy. I don't exactly know how all that went down but I know they got married with a short time of meeting. They were so in love. If only Grandpa could know how much MORE Jesus loves him.

New Post

I was convicted of my lack of quite time with my Jesus. Every time I am in His word I am refreshed, convicted, encouraged, and shown His love for me. Why do I not do this every day? I pray constantly but I don't think I listen enough. I discovered Thessolonians recently, I don't think I've ever really delved into those books... Well I'm going to now. If anyone wants to join me that would awesome... but really if you could keep me accountable to at least SOME time in His word every day I would appreciate it. Thanks!

Blogging is Hard

I never know what to write, so usually I resort to either not writing or writing a rambling of my thoughts. Which usually has to do with a very few list of things haha.

Today at lunch I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about Abortion and I made the comment that they will never make it illegal and that is ok with me. Let me explain.

I am pro-life, I think that killing a life, either born or not, your choice or not, is a life. A precious life in God's sight. And should NOT be killed because it will interfere with your life, thats what kids do :) It what makes them amazing, if it wasn't hard everyone (speaking to the guys here haha) would do it, its the hard that makes it great. However the term abortion, and abortion as the government sees it is a good medical procedure used to remove a fetus from the womb, now the original propose was for when babies had miscarried, and were being expelled naturally (gross and pain basically) this explosion could happen at any time, and if something went wrong it could get infected and in fact kill the woman. This procedure happens often, and is a good procedure that without it many women (including my mom) could've died from complications after miscarriage.

With that said let me remind you that I am very much pro-life, however I do not think abortion should be illegal no exceptions. I think SOMETHING should be done to stop women from getting an abortion just because they made a choice to have sex outside of marriage, and that choice resulted in a baby. I think abortion when used wrongly is murder, but I do not hold to the fact that abortion is murder no exceptions.

Random thought that came to me while typing, you never really hear about women wanting to get an abortion when they're married.

Sunday Letdown

Its sunday evening.... possibly my least favourite part of the week.

I stayed in Manhattan this weekend, I had a good, VERY relaxing possibly too relaxing of a weekend. I went to the homecoming parade, then went to Pizza Hut with some friends, then went to Where the Wild Things Are with my cousin and his roommate and roommates fiance. Good movie by the way, sad, and very deep for a kids movie, but it represented the book well, it was worth $7 :) Yesterday I watched KSU win, did laundry, then watched KU lose, then went out to BWW with my cousin, then went to studio, then watched MU lose, it was a good Saturday of nothing but football and sleep pretty much. Today I went to Grace, listened to a very encouraging sermon, then came home scrounged for lunch and sat down to watch the Chiefs, I didn't watch long though because we carved pumpkins this afternoon. I must say Stacy, Kyla and I did an awesome job on Smurfette :) For the rest of the day I've watched movies, and done homework. Now its 7:15 on Sunday night and I'm not happy about that haha.

But I really can't complain.. Monday's aren't bad days at all, actually this semester Monday is my second favourite day of the work week, following Friday of course!!

Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday :) Might won't be too bad... and lets ALL hope this week goes by quickly ;)

Emotions

I figured out what was wrong with me earlier this week... you don't wanna know haha... but it made me think. How do I control my emotions when what I'm feeling is real. Its just heightened my the rush of hormones in my system. I need to figure this out because I'm gonna have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I know I can control how I treat others but how do I keep from having a mental break down every month, what I felt was REAL, I was very sad, very stressed, and very not ok. But nothing was really THAT wrong. Not to merit how I reacted. And the good news, this whole hormone rollercoaster only gets worse...

Conclusion... being female STINKS. Can I be a guy now...

Fall?

Today has felt like a dream. I didn't sleep well at all, I actually woke up an hour before my alarm crying from stress of all I have to do this week. So I got up and just got ready for the day, headed to class, hardly able to breathe cause crying while walking to class is dumb. Made it through class, grabbed dashers on the way home did some work, then went back to bed. I slept for an hour and it felt AMAZING!! I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the week. Earlier this morning I read in James and the verse that says "All who are suffereing. Pray!" jumped out at me. So I thought well I'm not really SUFFERING in the sense that this book is talking about but I'm suffering in my own little world haha. So I prayed and it really helped, I felt a peace that I haven't felt in awhile. That even though I have a lot to do, and I feel like its over my head that I will sit down and plow through it and while difficult I will survive.

To make my life even more fantastic it is 70 degrees and sunny outside!!! :) Oh I love fall, I never really came to this conclusion until this year, because really I hate fall. haha. It is the beginning of school, its hard to get out of the summer routine, and all you have to look forward to is winter (UGH). But fall is just beautiful, even though it only lasts two weeks anymore. And I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, so Fall is now one of my favourite seasons.

Good thing its beautiful out cause I left my coat in KC. God does answer prayer :) even the small ones!